MySQL Hosting Sucks - Here's What Actually Works

The table above gives you the raw numbers, but here's what actually happens when you make the switch. We moved our e-commerce platform off MySQL Cloud last year after a $4,200 surprise bill and three production outages. Here's what we learned the hard way.

The $4,200 Wake-Up Call

Our MySQL Cloud bill exploded overnight because their "automatic scaling" kicked in during a DDoS attack. The database scaled up to handle the load, then stayed there for two weeks before we noticed. Support basically said "working as intended" when we complained.

That's when I started researching alternatives. Not because I love migration projects, but because throwing money at Oracle felt stupid.

PostgreSQL: Just Switch Already

We migrated to PostgreSQL on RDS and immediately regretted not doing it sooner. The JSON support alone saved us from three different microservices we were planning to build.

What broke during migration (PostgreSQL 16 from MySQL 8.0.44):

• `LIMIT` vs `OFFSET` syntax differences broke our pagination
• `AUTO_INCREMENT` became `SERIAL` - had to update all our Django models
• MySQL's weird `GROUP BY` behavior actually masked bugs in our code

Migration tools that saved our ass:

• pgloader converted our schema and data in 2 hours
• AWS DMS handled the cutover with minimal downtime
• Had to rewrite maybe 20 queries total out of thousands
• PostgreSQL vs MySQL syntax differences documented most issues

Real cost comparison:

• MySQL Cloud: $680/month for 16GB + surprise scaling bills
• PostgreSQL RDS: $420/month for equivalent performance + predictable scaling

PlanetScale: Cool Demo, Production Nightmare

We tried PlanetScale for a side project. The branching feature is genuinely cool - you can test schema changes like Git branches. But their limitations will bite you:

No foreign keys. Seriously. They're "coming soon" for two years now. Our referential integrity went to shit because their Vitess proxy strips them out.

Connection limits are brutal. Hit 1000 connections and suddenly you need the $399/month plan. Our Lambda functions kept hitting this because connection pooling is hard in serverless.

Deploy previews broke constantly. Half the time the schema migration would hang and we'd have to restart the whole process. Their GitHub integration is buggy.

Supabase: PostgreSQL for People Who Hate DevOps

Supabase is basically PostgreSQL with a pretty dashboard and some auth magic. It's great until you need to scale beyond their "startup" tier.

Production gotchas:

• Edge Functions timeout randomly on payloads > 1MB
• Real-time subscriptions break when you hit 100+ concurrent connections
• Their auth system conflicts with existing user tables
• Row Level Security can kill performance on complex queries

Cost reality check:

• Started at $25/month (looked cheap)
• Hit $180/month when we got serious traffic
• Aurora PostgreSQL was cheaper at that point

MongoDB: When You Hate Your Future Self

Our mobile team pushed for MongoDB because "documents are more flexible." Six months later we're spending more time writing aggregation pipelines than shipping features.

The $2,200 connection pooling disaster:
MongoDB Atlas charges per connection. Our Node.js app wasn't closing connections properly and we hit 2,000 concurrent connections at $1.10 each. The bill was insane and we couldn't figure out where the connections were coming from for days.

Learning curve is brutal:

• No joins means everything is denormalized
• Aggregation pipelines make SQL look simple
• Schema versioning is a nightmare when you have no enforced schema
• Index design requires completely different thinking

CockroachDB: Distributed Database for Rich People

We evaluated CockroachDB for a multi-tenant app. It's technically impressive but expensive as hell.

Performance reality:

• Simple queries were 2-3x slower than PostgreSQL
• Complex joins sometimes took 10+ seconds
• The "automatic sharding" picked terrible shard keys for our workload
• Distributed transactions add significant latency

Cost explosion:

• Started at $100/month for testing
• Production estimate was $2,000/month for the same workload that costs us $400 on PostgreSQL
• Multi-region features require enterprise tier

Aurora: AWS Lock-In with Extra Steps

Aurora MySQL Serverless v1 was trash. It took 30 seconds to cold start and would pause randomly. v2 is better but you're basically paying Aurora prices for RDS MySQL with some scaling magic.

The "serverless" lie:

• Still pays for storage even when paused
• Minimum billing is $80/month even if you use it once
• Cold starts killed our serverless API performance
• Scaling delays can take minutes

The Migration That Actually Worked

After trying five different alternatives, we settled on PostgreSQL RDS for production and Neon for staging/dev environments.

PostgreSQL migration checklist:

1. Export MySQL schema with mysqldump --no-data
2. Convert with pgloader: pgloader mysql://old postgresql://new
3. Fix your application queries (mostly LIMIT syntax)
4. Update connection strings and deploy
5. Party because you're done with Oracle

Time to migrate: 2 weeks for a 500GB database with 50+ tables
Downtime: 4 hours (could have been less if we planned better)
Cost savings: $3,600/year
Developer happiness: Finally using a database that doesn't fight us

All the technical comparisons above don't matter if you pick something your team can't operate. Your team size determines which database will ruin your life the least. Here's what we've learned from actual migrations, not consultant frameworks.

Startup Teams (2-10 people): Pick Simple or Die

Just use Supabase. It's PostgreSQL with auth, real-time, and edge functions built in. You get a database plus all the backend services you'll need anyway. Started free, we're paying $25/mo Pro tier which handles decent traffic.

If you want just a database: Use Neon. Their branching actually works (unlike PlanetScale's fake version), cold starts are acceptable on paid tier, and it's still PostgreSQL underneath.

If you're stuck on MySQL: PlanetScale is your least bad option. The branching is clever but you lose foreign keys forever. Costs $399/mo once you hit real traffic.

What breaks startups:

• CockroachDB/TiDB: You'll spend more time on database ops than shipping features
• MongoDB: Schema flexibility = technical debt when you have no data modeling discipline
• Self-hosted anything: Your 3-person team doesn't need that headache
• Cassandra: Eventually consistent = eventually fucked

Scale-up Teams (10-50 people): Stop Being Clever

PostgreSQL RDS and call it done. You have enough people to handle a migration, and PostgreSQL is just better. Use pgloader to move your data, fix the 20-30 query syntax differences, and get on with building features.

If you're scared of PostgreSQL migration: Use TiDB. It's MySQL-compatible but scales horizontally when you need it. The learning curve is manageable and you keep your existing queries.

If you love throwing money away: CockroachDB will gladly take $2k/month to give you distributed MySQL performance. Only makes sense if you need multi-region from day one.

Aurora is fine if you're AWS-locked: More expensive than RDS but handles scaling automatically. Serverless v2 actually works unlike v1. Just budget for surprise bills.

Enterprise Teams (50+ people): You Can Afford The Good Stuff

CockroachDB for global apps: If you need ACID transactions across continents, CockroachDB is your only real choice. It's slow and expensive ($2k+/month) but handles network partitions without losing data.

Aurora for AWS shops: AWS integration is legitimately good. IAM auth, VPC security, and all the enterprise compliance checkboxes. It's expensive but your procurement team loves it.

MongoDB Atlas for document hell: If your data really is document-shaped (not "we couldn't design a schema"), Atlas gives you enterprise features. Just budget for the connection pooling surprise bills.

Skip the startup darlings: PlanetScale, Supabase, and Neon are great for small teams but lack enterprise SLAs and support. You need someone to call when shit breaks at 3am.

Budget Reality (What You'll Actually Pay)

Under $100/month: Neon Launch ($19), Supabase Pro ($25). Good for side projects and early startups.

$100-1000/month: PostgreSQL RDS, Aurora, PlanetScale Scale tier. This is where most companies live.

$1000-5000/month: PlanetScale enterprise, CockroachDB, MongoDB Atlas with real traffic. Prepare for sticker shock.

$5000+/month: You're either doing it wrong or you're Netflix. Hire database engineers at this point.

How Long Migrations Actually Take

Small team (2-10 people): 4-6 weeks if you're competent. 12 weeks if you discover your app was held together with duct tape and prayers.

Medium team (10-50 people): 8-16 weeks. Add extra time for politics about which database to choose.

Enterprise (50+ people): 6-12 months. Half the time is spent on committee meetings and risk assessments.