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Siri's Been Trash for 13 Years - Maybe Apple Finally Noticed

Apple just announced they're building "World Knowledge Answers" to make Siri not suck anymore. About fucking time. I've been using Siri since the iPhone 4S launch in 2011, and it's been consistently disappointing for over a decade.

Here's what I really think about this "revolutionary" upgrade.

Apple Services - A Track Record of "Eventually Not Terrible"

Let's be real about Apple's services history because it's... not great:

Apple Maps launched in 2012 and told people to drive into lakes for 3 years. It's decent now, but only after they spent billions fixing their fuckups. iCloud was a disaster until 2016 - I lost photos, documents randomly wouldn't sync, and backup failures were daily occurrences.

Apple Music is fine I guess, but it took 5 years to not feel like a beta product compared to Spotify. Apple TV+ has good shows but the interface makes Netflix look like a masterpiece of UX design. And don't get me started on iTunes - that thing was a crime against humanity.

The pattern is clear: Apple launches services 3-4 years late, they suck for 2-3 years, then they eventually become decent. But by then, Google or someone else already owns the market.

The Google Partnership is Fucking Hilarious

So Apple's using Google Gemini to power this thing. Think about this: Apple takes $20 billion annually from Google to keep them as default search. Now they're building a competitor... powered by Google's AI.

It's like hiring your ex to help you find a new girlfriend. The DOJ is probably thrilled - they've been trying to break up that cozy search deal for years. Now Apple's basically doing it for them. The antitrust case already found Google's search monopoly illegal.

Why Siri Has Always Sucked (A Personal Journey Through Hell)

I've used every version of Siri since 2011. The failures are more absurd than you can imagine:

Me: "Set a timer for 10 minutes"
Siri: "I found restaurants named Timer's Kitchen"
Me: "What the fuck, Siri"
Siri: "I didn't catch that"

Me: "Play Spotify"
Siri: "Playing music on Apple Music" (opens wrong app despite me saying Spotify 3 times)

Me: "Call Mom"
Siri: "Calling... Pizza Hut" (somehow connected my mother to a pizza place from 2019)

Meanwhile, Google Assistant actually understands context, ChatGPT can hold a conversation, and even Amazon's Alexa can control my smart home without having a nervous breakdown.

The AI Shopping Spree - Apple Got Played

Apple supposedly evaluated everyone:

Google Gemini: "Sure, we'll help you compete with us"
Anthropic Claude: "That'll be $1.5 billion annually, please"
OpenAI GPT: "Weren't we partners? This is awkward..."
Apple's internal AI: "Still loading... please wait 5 more years"

They went with Google, which means in 2026 we'll have Siri powered by the company that already kicked Apple's ass in search, voice, and AI. This is like asking McDonald's to help you build a better burger. Apple's existing OpenAI partnership makes this even weirder.

The Ecosystem Lock-In Play

Apple's banking on ecosystem integration across Siri, Safari, Spotlight, Apple Watch, HomePod, and that $3,500 Vision Pro that 12 people bought.

The theory is solid - if it works everywhere Apple devices live, people won't switch. The reality? I turned off Siri on my Apple Watch after it failed to set a basic timer 3 times in a row during a workout. Integration means nothing if the core product is broken.

This Will Probably Work... Eventually

Here's my prediction: Apple will demo this at WWDC 2026. It'll look amazing on stage. Tim Cook will call it "revolutionary" about 50 times. The beta will be US-only and crash constantly.

Version 1.0 will launch 6 months late and only work in English. It'll be better than current Siri (extremely low bar) but worse than ChatGPT or Google Assistant. Apple fanboys will claim it's the future while everyone else rolls their eyes.

By 2028, after 3 major updates and another $10 billion in development costs, it might actually be competitive. But by then, Google will have moved on to AI agents that can probably file your taxes and order dinner while composing haikus.

I hope I'm wrong. I really want Siri to not suck. But Apple's services track record suggests we're in for 2-3 years of disappointment followed by gradual improvement to "not terrible."

Set your expectations accordingly.

How Apple's Thing Stacks Up (Spoiler: We Don't Know Yet)

	Apple (Maybe 2026)	Google	ChatGPT	Perplexity	Microsoft
Where it lives	Safari, Siri	Everywhere	ChatGPT app	perplexity.ai	Edge/Bing
Voice interface	New Siri (pray it works)	Assistant (decent)	Voice mode	None	Cortana (dead)
Privacy	"On-device" bullshit	Tracks everything	Tracks everything	Tracks everything	Tracks everything
Actually works	LOL no idea	Yes	Usually	Yes	Sometimes
Real-time info	Promises and dreams	Yes	Old training data	Yes	Bing results (meh)

Apple AI Search & Siri Overhaul: Essential Questions

What is "World Knowledge Answers"?

It's Apple's fancy name for "make Siri not suck anymore." Instead of just showing you web links, it'll give you actual answers like ChatGPT does.Assuming it works, which is a big if.

How will this integrate with Siri?

They're rebuilding Siri from scratch, which was about fucking time. New Siri should remember what you talked about, know current events, and actually answer complex questions.Whether it's actually better than Alexa remains to be seen. Apple's track record with services isn't great.

Why is Apple partnering with Google if they're competing?

Because Apple's AI sucks and Google's doesn't. Apple needs Gemini to work while they figure out their own models.It's like borrowing your competitor's car to drive to the job interview where you plan to take their job. Weird but practical.

When will this be available to users?

2026 maybe. Apple always promises dates they can't hit, so add another year to be safe.You might see a demo this September, but actually using it? Different story.

Will this replace Google as the default search engine?

Not right away. It'll work alongside regular Google search until Apple figures out if their AI thing actually works.The $20 billion Google pays them annually probably doesn't hurt either. But that might end anyway thanks to the antitrust ruling.

What makes Apple's approach different from ChatGPT or Google?

They control the whole i

Phone, so they can bake search into everything

Siri, Safari, Spotlight, your Apple Watch, whatever. Plus they can play the privacy card since everything runs on their servers instead of Google's. Whether that actually matters is debatable.

How does this affect Apple's privacy commitments?

They're claiming Gemini runs on Apple servers, not Google's, so supposedly your data stays with Apple instead of Google.But let's be honest

it's still cloud AI, which means your searches are leaving your device anyway. The whole privacy angle is mostly marketing bullshit to make you feel better about it.

Will there be costs for users?

Probably not initially. Apple usually includes new features for free, then figures out how to monetize later.Don't be surprised if "Premium AI Search" shows up as an iCloud+ subscription upgrade though.

Why didn't Apple choose Anthropic's Claude?

Anthropic wanted $1.5 billion a year. Google probably offered half that just to keep Apple from going elsewhere.Simple economics. Nobody's paying Netflix money for AI when you can get it cheaper.

How will this impact the search market?

If it actually works, it could hurt Google's mobile search revenue big time. iPhones are like 50% of US smartphones.But Apple's gotta nail the execution first. Their services track record isn't exactly stellar.